I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
