Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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