First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
