Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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