If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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