it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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