His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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