I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize