you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
