Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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