I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
