we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
