I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
