Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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