it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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