She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
