new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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