Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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