I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We're too hungover to prance.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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