Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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