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I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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