Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.