FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
