Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.