me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.