Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
