Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
