Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
