Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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