I got chris browned last night
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
