Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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