They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
