; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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