I think I died a long time ago.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
