And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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