As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
