ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Found the puke drawer
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
