i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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