I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
