Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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