not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
