I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
3pm strippers are depressing
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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