maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
