Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Randomize
