you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
