Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
