If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
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I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
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I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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