She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
