I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
