Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
