Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
