First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
