I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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