then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
