i permit you to call me
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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