You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
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Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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