Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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