just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
