i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
