i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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