I just pynch a tree in the face
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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