We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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