think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
