I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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