I think im going to throw up on grandma
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
