My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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