You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
