You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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